Always a bridesmaid...

So, I know it's been a long time since my last post. And believe me, I have plenty to write about.   In fact, I've waited so long I'm going to have to break it up into a few posts so I don't overwhelm you.  Haha.  We'll start with the first of my adventures...I like to call it the Texas wedding extravaganza...don't worry, the title of the post was just a joke.  I have no plans to lament my singleness or explain to you why I likely will not be "next"  (but thank you to every single guest at my sister's wedding who thought that would be an appropriate question).  Well now that that's out of the way...

So about a month ago, I made my way down to Texas.  It was a week I had been looking forward to for a really long time.  I flew in on a Friday night and was greeted at the airport by my sister Kristi and her fiance Corbett, who's wedding was the whole reason for my trip.  But we'll get to that...

I got up Saturday morning and drove about 3 hours to Round Rock, which is where I lived for about 6 1/2 years prior to moving to New York.  I was really excited to see my best friend Shahla, her husband, and this precious little guy!  Shahla had him about 6 weeks prior to my visit and I had been DYING to see him.

Sawyer in his gift from me :-)

Best end to a loooong day

Later that day, I drove out to my friend Kyle's wedding.  I have known Kyle since we were about 5 or 6 years old and he and his family are really precious to me.  I've had the honor of getting to know his beautiful fiancee (and now wife) Jen over the last couple of years and even got to see them in the fall when they visited NYC.  Their wedding was in central TX (near Austin for my Yankee friends) at a beautiful little outdoor venue in Dripping Springs.  A few of my favorite memories from the day...

Me and my cousin April

The beautiful bride and handsome groom

Me and one of my oldest and dearest friends, Vikas, enjoying some delicious ice cream sandwiches

Me and Kyle

I spent the next few days catching up with about a billion people.  I got to lead worship at chapel at the children's home, which is something I did every week when I worked there.  It was so good to see some of my former kids and lots of new faces as well.  I ran out of time long before I ran out of people I wanted to see, so I'm really sorry for those of you I didn't get to catch up with.  But Shahla and I (and Sawyer, of course) had to get back on the road to Houston for Kristi's "wedding week o' fun"!

My folks' house was full of people every day getting everything ready for the festivities.  I am about as crafty as a ...well I don't even know a crafty thing to NOT compare myself to...but anyhow, basically the only thing they trusted me with was a hot glue gun.  So my job was to hot glue twine and flowers to approximately (according to my calculations, which I mostly based on the amount of burns on my fingertips) 14,000 mason jars.

Pretty good job, if I do say so myself.

By the way, I did all of this while sitting on the floor of my parents' kitchen.  Not the most comfortable work space...

But I digress...the wedding was beautiful and wonderful and I got to see so many people I haven't seen in a really long time.   Here are a few of my favorites from the week/weekend.

Me and Kristi before the rehearsal

Getting ready for the big day

Cooper is clearly really excited to get his tux on and get down the aisle

Best friends - me and Shahla

Cutest nephew and niece in the world

Almost ready to go

 

3 generations - Me, Kristi, Alecia, Bella, and my mom

Sisters!

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It's interesting how in the midst of such joy and excitement, God can use tragedy to remind us of what's really important.  I'm not really one to get too deep with my feelings on the internet (or in real life, for that matter), but I don't want to miss an opportunity to honor a very special person...

Sunday afternoon, while I was still in Round Rock visiting friends, I got word that a dear friend of our family, Kathy Norris, had been taken to the hospital with a brain aneurysm.  Kathy went to high school with my dad and has been in my life for as long as I remember.  She is one of the sweetest, most compassionate, and selfless people I know.  I always look forward to seeing her when I'm home, because she knows exactly what I've been up to and asks me very specific questions about my life in New York.  She's an avid reader of the ol' blog and I know she asks my folks frequently how I'm doing.

And on Tuesday, just two days after she collapsed at church, sweet Kathy passed from this life into the arms of Jesus.  It was hard to believe then and perhaps even harder to believe now. 

So needless to say, the past few weeks have been a pretty good mixture of highs and lows, of joy and grief. And I suppose that's what life is, really.  It's certainly made me appreciate my family and friends a lot more, and given me some perspective on some other relationships in my life.

I will end with that for now, but look for new posts soon on my recent trip to San Francisco, why I love Zipcar, and why I've been spending way too much time in New Jersey.  Happy Memorial Day!!

Victory: Easter Edition

And the soldiers twisted together a crown of thorns and put it on his head and arrayed him in a purple robe. They came up to him, saying, “Hail, King of the Jews!” and struck him with their hands...

When the chief priests and the officers saw him, they cried out, “Crucify him, crucify him!” Pilate said to them, “Take him yourselves and crucify him, for I find no guilt in him.”

 

Now it was the day of Preparation of the Passover. It was about the sixth hour. He said to the Jews, “Behold your King!” They cried out, “Away with him, away with him, crucify him!” Pilate said to them, “Shall I crucify your King?” The chief priests answered, “We have no king but Caesar.” So he delivered him over to them to be crucified.

So they took Jesus, and he went out, bearing his own cross, to the place called The Place of a Skull, which in Aramaic is called Golgotha.  There they crucified him, and with him two others, one on either side, and Jesus between them. Pilate also wrote an inscription and put it on the cross. It read, “Jesus of Nazareth, the King of the Jews.” Many of the Jews read this inscription, for the place where Jesus was crucified was near the city, and it was written in Aramaic, in Latin, and in Greek. So the chief priests of the Jews said to Pilate, “Do not write, ‘The King of the Jews,’ but rather, ‘This man said, I am King of the Jews.’” Pilate answered, “What I have written I have written.”

 

When the soldiers had crucified Jesus, they took his garments and divided them into four parts, one part for each soldier; also his tunic. But the tunic was seamless, woven in one piece from top to bottom, so they said to one another, “Let us not tear it, but cast lots for it to see whose it shall be.” This was to fulfill the Scripture which says,

“They divided my garments among them,
    and for my clothing they cast lots.”

After this, Jesus, knowing that all was now finished, said (to fulfill the Scripture), “I thirst.” A jar full of sour wine stood there, so they put a sponge full of the sour wine on a hyssop branch and held it to his mouth. When Jesus had received the sour wine, he said, “It is finished,” and he bowed his head and gave up his spirit.

(excerpts from John 19 - ESV) 

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I hope you find time to reflect on the cross today.  What a sacrifice that has been made for us, what a price has been paid.  When we stood condemned, Christ took our place, and there is now NO condemnation for us.

I have been listening to music all week to remind me of the weight of that sacrifice.  I encourage you to do the same during this special weekend.  Here are a few of the songs that have been in rotation.  (I am putting the artists of the ones in my library, but a lot of them have been recorded by multiple artists)

Hallelujah, What A Savior - Shelly Moore Band

Arise, My Love - Newsong

Glorious Day (Living He Loved Me) - Casting Crowns

Stronger - Hillsong

He's Alive - Johnny Cash

Because of Your Love - Phil Wickham

Why - Nichole Nordeman

In Christ Alone - Matt Papa

In My Place - Village Church 

Happy Easter weekend.  Remember that you are loved in a big way by a God who endured the pain and the humiliation of the cross for you.

Musings On MLB 2012

Sometimes it's nice being a baseball fan.  We get 162 games a year and our off-season is considerably short compared to most (well if your team makes it to the playoffs, that is).  And yet, I feel like I've been waiting for the 2012 season for a lifetime.  And while my friends probably aren't ready to lose me to my MLB At Bat app on my phone, I am beyond ready for some baseball.  With Opening Day just around the corner (this Thursday!), I thought I would make a few observations about the upcoming season:

Let's just get this one out of the way - the Miami Marlins, really?  Why fix something that ain't broke?  That will take some getting used to.

2012 is the last season that the Astros will be in the National League.  This has been a bit disconcerting to me ever since they announced we would be moving to the AL West in 2013.  I found it pretty stupid when the Brewers moved to the NL back in 1998, and even stupider that they didn't just move them back this time around.  I never really realized how much league loyalty I had until now.  Or how much I hate the idea of a designated hitter.  I love having the pitchers bat.  It makes for some exciting moments (like in 2006 when Roy Oswalt and Andy Pettitte hit home runs on two consecutive nights - to date, their only career HRs), and in my opinion, it makes guys earn their keep.  I am not a fan of paying a guy millions of dollars for 4 or 5 at bats a game and NOTHING ELSE.  Especially if he can't even bat above .300.  I feel like the DH role is where baseball players go to die.  So I guess at least it'll give Carlos Lee something to do.  Anyway, I am glad I have a whole season to get my head around the move, but I don't think I'll ever be really excited about it.

The one positive thing that I took from the upcoming AL move is that at least we wouldn't have to face Albert Pujols (the Kryptonite to our Superman, if you will) but a couple of times a year at best.  But, as luck would have it, he signed a record-breaking $254 million/10-year deal with the Angels (I'll save my thoughts on the stupidity of that contract for another blog), who just so happen to be in the AL West.  So we really should enjoy this season because after 2012, we'll be seeing him a whole bunch.

I am excited about the new Astros owner, Jim Crane.  I am a big Drayton McLane fan, don't get me wrong, and I have a lot of respect for him as a man and as a Christ-follower, but his "let's blow our budget on washed-up superstars and trade away our farm system every year" mentality was getting pretty tired.  I am pretty hopeful that Crane is going to do more to develop our up-and-coming players.  Even though these next couple of seasons will be a time of restructuring and rebuilding, I think there are happy days ahead.  I'm excited to see some of our young talent develop this year.  We've got a number one pick in June and we've acquired a lot of young players through trades last year and in the off-season.  I'm particularly excited to have Jason Castro back from ACL surgery, and to see what Jonathan Singleton and Jarred Cosart are going to bring to the table in Corpus Christi.  And mark my words, Delino DeShields is the guy to watch this year.  I think we'll see him in OKC by the end of the season, and maybe even in the big show come September.

The schedule this year is not going to be too kind to me.  There are games in DC and Philadelphia, but they are during the week, so it's unlikely I'll be able to go to them.  It may be the end of August (when they have a series with the Mets) before I'll get to see them play live. Boooooooo.

Wandy is getting his first Opening Day start.  Not sure if that is the smartest move they could've made (I personally would've gone with Bud Norris or maybe even J.A. Happ), but when he's good, he's realllll good, so it could work out for us.

Alright, well that's all of my scattered baseball-related thoughts for now.  Hope everyone is as excited for Opening Day as I am, but I doubt you are. :-)  Happy April!

New York, It's Been Real

So today marks one year since I moved here, my New York-iversary, if you will.  Some days it's hard to believe I've been here that long, and others it feels like I've been here a lifetime, but every day continues to feel like I'm right where I belong.  People ask me all the time, "What made you decide to move?," and I never feel like I have an adequate answer for them.  Nothing was lacking in my life back in Texas - I had an great job where I was getting to share the love of Christ with some of the most incredible kids and teenagers I've ever met.  I had amazing friends and family all around me, and I was really happy.  I wasn't trying to get away from anything or looking to fill any voids by coming here.  I don't even know what prompted the decision, other than I just knew and felt so clearly that this was the next step in my journey.

It would be pretty hard to put into the words the things I have learned in the past year, but since it's hard (some might say impossible) to write a blog without words, I'll do my best:

I've learned the importance of the relationships in my life.  Every relationship I have has been tested this year.  Some haven't survived.  Some have taken on a new look.  I've made wonderful new relationships in the process.  I'm so grateful for all of it.  My family has been so supportive of my move, which makes me love them even more (if that is possible).  They and my friends have called, written, "social-networked", and continued to show me that I am important to them.  I hope I've made them feel the same way, despite my strong aversion to the phone (sorry, Mom!).  And every time I think that I couldn't possibly be blessed with any more amazing people in my life, more continue to show up.  I honestly do not know why God has chosen to give me such an abundance of ridiculously great people in my life, but I'll take it. My cup runneth over.

I've learned that pursuing your passions doesn't always mean pursuing them as your career.  I always thought that because I was passionate about helping the poor and marginalized and working with kids and teenagers, that I had to be a social worker.  It seemed like a logical plan, and I will never question that my years at the children's home were exactly what the Lord had for me at that time.  But what I didn't realize I guess, was that not being a social worker didn't mean I had to stop pursuing those things.  Right now, I am working for a fantastic company (a primary care medical practice) and my day to day is not really emotionally draining in the slightest.  I'm managing staff and making sure our offices run smoothly, and while I work super hard throughout the day, it's not work I "take home" with me.  I love it, and I actually felt a little guilty for loving it so much.  I thought that meant that I was somehow betraying my "social work calling."  But then I began to find some volunteer opportunities in the community, through my church and through other connections I've made, and it all started to make sense to me.  Maybe I'll work as a social worker again, maybe I won't, but it doesn't change my passion or my calling.

I've learned that I am much stronger than I thought.  So many well-intentioned people warned me that living here might not be all it's cracked up to be.  This city can be a tough place to live, and I am just a simple girl from the south.  But it has actually been the smoothest and least painful transition I've ever had, and while I agree that it's not for everyone, NYC definitely suits me.

I've learned that I am much weaker than I thought, and that ultimately, any strength I have is from the Lord.  This would seem like something I should already know, since it is pretty much Christianity 101.  There are so many cliches about how "His strength is made perfect in our weakness", and "when we we are weak, He is strong" and about a million other versions of that same phrase.  But it's all a bunch of talk until you really take a look at yourself and your pride and your depravity and put that into perspective with who He is.  Trying to do things in my own strength is a complete and utter failure.  I continue to screw up over and over and over again because of my selfishness.  There is nothing good in me but Him.  I am learning to be not only okay with, but really thankful for my weaknesses.  It lets Him shine through that much more.

In celebration of this milestone, here is a brief photo journey through some of my favorite moments from this past year.  Here goes:

Hanging out at the promenade in Brooklyn Heights with Sara my first night here

Discovering Sarita's Mac & Cheese (S'Mac), which has now become mine and Angie's go-to place in the East Village.

Getting dressed up and celebrating my new job (before I had actually been offered the job) at Primehouse with Sara, Andrew, and Leticia.  Good thing I got the job because we spent a whole lot of money on this delicious food.

Watching the Yankees get beat by the Rangers while enjoying this delicious hot dog.

Watching the Mets get beat by my Astros while freezing in the rain (still worth it).

Meeting my current boyfriend in the East Village (or something like that).  Sorry for cropping you out of the picture, Sara, Andrew, and Leti!

NKOTBSB in Long Island (don't judge me)

Showing these New Yorkers how to ride out a hurricane and trying to move apartments in the process.  Too bad it turned out to be a total dud.

My sister, Shahla, and Candace coming to visit!  And my first trip to Coney Island.

The real life version of the Macy's Parade

Taking our little Christmas tree home on the subway

Having a little Crusader reunion when the Skaggs decided to crash last Sunday's church service. So wonderful to see them!!

Another question I get asked a bunch is, "How long do you think you'll be in New York?"  Alas, I cannot answer that question either.  Maybe another year or two, maybe a lifetime.  Right now, I couldn't imagine being anywhere else (sorry again, Mom!).

Should You Always Have A Paul?

If you have some time today, check out this really great and thought-provoking post from one of my pastors at Apostles. 

Discipleship Myth: You should always have a Paul

Xanga

Does anybody remember Xanga?  I realize I am probably dating myself a bit here, but Xanga was "the" site for bloggers before the word blog even existed.  It was really popular towards the end of my college years, and I used to post on mine all the time.  I found an old journal recently from the semester I spent in Tahoe after college, and it made mention of my Xanga site.  It took me a little time to remember my user name and password, but eventually I pulled it from the deep, dark corners of my brain and found it.  My first post was on November 5, 2003, my senior year in college.  I had just been named to the homecoming court at UMHB and my biggest concerns were having to perform in this variety show thing that the court members had to do and who was going to ask me to the semiformal.  Big life problems right there.  That world seems so far away compared to life now.

I discovered a few things about myself after reading through some of my entries.  For one thing, I really thought I had all the answers at the ripe old age of 21.  It's so laughable now to see how ridiculous I was.  It was also very evident how naive I was to a lot of things.  My posts were kind of preachy and reeked of piety and "fake shiny Christianity."  And I guess I was kind of that girl, as much as I hate to admit it.  I was very concerned with what other people thought of me and at the time, the people I was trying to impress were a whole bunch of southern Christians (not that there is anything wrong with that).  God still had (and still has) a lot of work do in me, but even then, I was growing.  There were a few little nuggets of genuineness hidden amongst all of the shallow, self-centered posts .  One post in particular stood out to me because it's almost word for word something I wrote in my journal just a few nights ago.  I wrote this on January 26, 2005, about a month after I returned to TX from Tahoe and about 3 weeks into my job at the children's home:

I have been thinking a lot lately about the body of Christ, and how we are called to encourage each other and bear one another's burdens.  My church back in Highlands is going through the 40 days of Community right now, and the concept is that our personal relationship with the Lord is not enough.  (I know that sounds bad, but hear me out)  If our personal relationship is not spurring us to go out and love and encourage people, believers and non-believers alike, we are not fulfilling the Lord's plan for us.  

We need our brothers and sisters to hold us accountable, to pray for us, to lift us up and bring us joy.  And we need to do that for other members of the body.  The Bible tells us that a "cord of three strands is not easily broken."  We are stronger together.  Sin is less likely to get a stronghold in our life when we have fellow believers holding us accountable.

I am so blessed by people in my life who are the hands and feet of the Lord for me.  People who show me His love in so many ways, if it's just through a phone call to say they are thinking about me, or letting me cry on their shoulder when things are not going so well, or simply asking how they can pray for me.  I hope that I have been His hands and feet to my friends and those I come in contact with every day.  That's what we are called to do.  That's what He wants from us.

That's exactly what's been on my heart lately.  I am feeling so blessed and overwhelmed with the community I have here in New York.  People who encourage me, and love me, and bear my burdens alongside me.  People I get to "do life" with.  Even silly, selfish, arrogant, 22-year-old me knew the importance of that, and 29-year-old me is grateful to have an amazing (albeit almost completely different) community around me.

I think it's good to look back and see how far you've come (or see that you haven't come too far and figure out why).  I love finding old journals, emails, cards, and letters that remind me of different times in my life, good or bad.  I fully intend to spend time reminiscing over years 2003-2006ish over the next few days as I read through the ol' Xanga.  If you are interested in getting to know the 21-24 year old me and you can promise me that you will hold nothing that she said against me, have a look for yourself.  http://whom-shall-i-fear.xanga.com/

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I'm not really sure where all these deep thoughts have been coming from lately, but I do realize that a lot of my recent posts have been a little heavy.  So I want to take a few minutes to give some tidbits from the last couple of months in a little section I like to call...

THINGS I LOVE

I love Brooklyn and the Prospect Heights neighborhood where I live.  I am really anxious for spring because the Brooklyn Botanical Gardens are literally outside my window and I hear the cherry blossoms are absolutely breathtaking.  One of the things I love most about my neighborhood is the people.  There is so much diversity and people are really friendly.  Unlike Manhattan, where I feel like most people are just rushing around with their heads down trying to get where they're going, in Brooklyn, people tend to take the time to stop and chat or at least say hello.  Feels a little more like being back home in the south.  And sometimes you get some weird requests.  Case in point:  Last week, I am walking to the train and I notice this lady on the sidewalk, doing the electric slide and singing her heart out (the song itself was unrecognizable, but that's neither here nor there).  I've seen this lady around and my chats with her are usually the highlight of my day.  When I saw her this particular morning, she waved me over and said, "Hey! Come dance with me!"  So I did.  Nothing like a little electric slide to start your day, I say.  I told her next time I see her I'll teach her a new line dance.  What do you think, guys? Maybe a little Copperhead Road? Did I mention I love Brooklyn?  :-)

I love people coming to visit!  One of my dearest friends from college, Yolanda, was in town last week and we met up for dinner.  I hadn't seen her in probably 6 years, so it was really, really fantastic to catch up.  Here we are after enjoying some tasty Greek food in Hell's Kitchen.

I love having people over to my place.  In the past few months, Sara and/or I have hosted a Tex-Mex Fiesta, a One Medical ladies' game night, book club, a 7+ hour potluck dinner party where we literally were cooking and eating food the entire 7 hours, and countless other brunches/dinners.  One of my favorite things about our apartment is that we have the kitchen/living space to open up our home and host these types of things (that was not the case at our old apartment).  Few things make me happier than having our friends hanging out around the table (or the couch, or the floor...).

I love musical theater, I really do.  I went through a period last year where I was going to like 3-4 shows a month.  And even though I am kind of the queen of rush/lottery tickets, it was still a little hard on my wallet, so sadly, I haven't been to a show since like November.  Which is completely unacceptable. But a few days ago, I was walking through the theater district on my way to meet a friend after work, and I found myself on 46th St., right between two shows that I am dying to see - the revival of Porgy and Bess (which I have never seen live, but is one of my FAVORITE scores of all time), and Ghost the musical (alright, I'll let you make fun of me a little for this one, but I don't take it back).  Not to mention one of the best movies of all time, a little gem called Newsies, is currently rocking out on Broadway as well.  I am considering a hunger strike so I can save enough money to see all three of these shows soon.  I'll let you know how it goes.

And finally, I love spring!  Today was the most beautiful day we've had in NYC in a long time.  It was in the 60s and sunny and just all-around perfect.  This is what it was like when I moved here last year (yes, my one-year anniversary is actually just a week from today!) and though I love being here most every day, I love it that much more when it's this beautiful outside.

Well, though there are plenty of other things I love, I am heading out to watch my lovely and talented friend Claire's play tonight, so I must jet.  More to come.

Why I'm Giving Up Social Media For Lent

I am not a Catholic.  I grew up in a southern Baptist church (which I would love to talk about/answer questions about anytime for those who are curious), so Lent is not something I really knew much about growing up, save the occasional comments from my Catholic friends or being confused about why the school cafeteria had cheese pizza instead of the usual pepperoni on Fridays during that time of year.  I never really thought much about it, honestly.  When I got to be a teenager, I used to give things up for Lent, just because it seemed like a lot of my friends were doing it and I always like a good challenge.  I would give up things like sodas, or chocolate, or usually some other type of food and just treat it like a matter of will power. I was totally missing the mark.  I did realize at some point how stupid this was, so I stopped giving things up altogether. Hey, I'm not a Catholic, who cares?

But over the last year, I have been thinking a lot about what distracts me. The other day, I was talking to one of my co-workers, and she said, "Janell, you are like the social media queen."  It's kind of true, I do post a lot on Facebook and Twitter, and I am constantly checking up on what my friends are doing/posting.  I am actually a pretty big advocate for social media - since I moved to New York, it's been a great way for me to stay connected to the people I love all over the world, as well as reconnect with people I haven't seen in years.

But ask anyone who knows me, and they'll tell you that I am constantly distracted with checking and posting on Facebook/Twitter.  I neglect the relationships that are right in front of me sometimes and stare at my phone instead.  And I hate that I do this because the relationships in my life are really important to me, and I never want to neglect them because I am living in some virtual reality.

Also, I find that I'm not always myself on social media.  Sometimes I post out of anger or frustration or to try and impress the people I think will be looking at it.  If you were to look back at my Facebook over the past 6 or 7 years, depending on who I was spending time with or who's attention I was trying to get, you would find a whole lot of different versions of me.

It's been on my heart for a while that I need to find a way to be less distracted by this. A few weeks ago, I felt God leading me to take a little breather from posting on social media.  And I did for about a week.  It was one of the best weeks I've had spiritually in a long time.  The people I had been trying to impress were no longer distracting me, and I was able to focus on some areas of my life I've needed to focus on for a while.  I spent more time in the Word, in prayer, actually talking to my friends and family, hanging out with teenagers, and serving people in my community. It was a really refreshing time.

J.R., my pastor at Apostles, was talking about Lent tonight, and how it is such an important time of reflection for Christians, a time to look at our lives and see where God wants to make changes.  And this is definitely an area that needs to be scaled back in my life.

So, for the first time in years, I am giving something up for Lent.  And it will be the hardest thing I've ever given up, for sure.  But I'm no longer looking at it as a challenge to be met, but an opportunity for God to change my heart.  And I'm kind of excited about it.

I may post the occasional blog during this time (I haven't decided if this falls into the "social media that really distracts me" category - in fact, according to the frequency of my posting, I don't think it could ever be considered a distraction, haha), but beyond that, I will not check or post anything on Facebook or Twitter during the season of Lent.  So don't be offended if I don't give you a happy birthday shout-out, or comment on how adorable your baby/dog/boyfriend is.  If you need me, call or email me. Or better yet, let's hang out in person and have real conversations.  I don't ever think social media was intended to take the place of that.

Well, I gotta get to bed for now, but would love to hear your thoughts and what, if anything, you are giving up for Lent.  So ready to enjoy my day off tomorrow (well today, I guess, since it is 1:30 in the morning). Thank you, presidents!

Victory

So it's no secret that I love music.  It's definitely something that's pretty important to me. I have dedicated blog posts in the past to my running playlist and my favorite Christmas music, but this one is a little closer to my heart.

I am not a particularly emotional person (some of you are probably laughing right now, because that's actually a pretty gross understatement).  Even the people who know me best haven't seen a whole lot of emotion out of me.  Maybe it's from all the years as a social worker, although truthfully, I've kind of always been this way.  But you guys are not my therapists, so we'll save that for now.  Anyway, oddly enough, music stirs up more emotions in me than I even think I have at times.  It's amazing to me that people I have never met can so beautifully and eloquently express what is in my heart.

About 3-4 years ago, I was dealing with a couple of tough losses.  I was in a pretty big funk that lasted a while.  I was listening to a lot of "angry girl" music that I thought would make me feel better, but I realized it was only making things worse.  One day, I went through my music and pulled out songs that brought me joy, whatever that meant.  Some of them were cheesy pop songs from my childhood/teenage years, but some were truly beautiful songs about grief/loss/relying on God in dark times.  I literally listened to that playlist for about a month straight, and it's amazing how my heart began to change.  I know it wasn't the music itself that did it, but God definitely used certain music and lyrics to alter my perspective.  One weekend when I was Houston with my family, I was telling my sister about it and she said, "You should call it your 'Victory' playlist!"  Because isn't that what it's all about?  Walking in victory, no matter what is going on.

So long story short, my "Victory" playlist has certainly evolved over the years.  I am constantly adding and removing songs.  And honestly, most of the time I don't even listen to it.  It's kind of like my secret weapon.  The last few weeks though, after a pretty lengthy off-season, my VP (I'm gonna go ahead and refer to it as that for the rest of the post bc I am lazy) has been in rotation quite a bit.  Don't get me wrong, I have such an amazing life here in NY - a job that I love and really wonderful people around me - but somehow the same old insecurity, anger, and bitterness creep back in.  So it's good to have music that reminds me of who I am and where my joy comes from. 

Anyhow, I thought I would share a few of the songs that are currently getting a lot of play.  I would highly recommend them adding them to your own music library.

"These Hard Times" - NeedToBreathe

Give me the answer, give me the way out.

Give me the faith to believe in these hard times

** My favorite band ever.  I have seen them live a bunch of times and they are legit musicians.  Their live performance of "Valley of Tomorrow" at La Zona Rosa back in November 2010 was hands down, the most amazing thing I've witnessed musically.

"My Portion Forever" - Matt Papa

Whom have I in heaven or earth?

Only You Lord, only You.

My flesh and heart may fail, but never my Redeemer.

The grass withers, the flowers fall,

but Your promises are sure.

"Cling To You"  - Trip Lee feat. Shai Linne

Lord, it may get better but it may not, so when I pray, God,

I pray I would trust You whether or not the pain stops. 

So when the the pain falls, coming down like rain drops,

I just gotta cling to You

 

"Believe Me Now" - Steven Curtis Chapman

I know all the fear you're feeling now,

but do you remember Who I Am?

**This was on my first VP, which was created just a few months after SCC lost his 5 year old daughter to a horrific car accident.  Talk about someone who knew grief and loss.  Makes his words even more poignant.

 

"The Fight" - Anthony Evans 

You're worth every mountain I will have to climb

These wars raging in my soul and in my mind

cause I'm sure that one day I'll be looking in Your eyes

and that's worth the fight

"Whatever Comes" - Andy Mineo

Whatever comes, whatever go

The Lord's teaching me He's in control

And if I never have anything more

Well at least I got Him, yo, He saved my soul

"Let The Waters Rise" - MIKESCHAIR

I will swim in the deep, 'cause You'll be next to me

You're in the eye of the storm and the calm of the sea

 

"Just Like You" - Lecrae

They say You came for the lame, I'm the lamest

I made a mess but You say You'll erase it, I'll take it

They say You came for the lame, I'm the lamest

I broke my life but You say You'll replace it, I'll take it 

There are some more, but some of them are a little more embarrassing and I am getting tired.  But ask if you wanna know. :-)  Thanks for indulging my serious post, and I promise to have some funny NYC stories soon.

Until then.

More Shenanigans in TX

So, as promised, here are some of the highlights of my 6 days in Highlands, TX, the town where I grew up and where most of my family still calls home.  I'm just gonna jump right in...

My 5-year-old niece Isabella is one of the most adorable and hilarious kids I've ever met.  If you know me at all, I'm sure I've subjected you to countless stories and pictures of her.  I try not to be "that girl" but sometimes I just can't help myself.  Knowing I was flying there on Thursday, on Wednesday night, Bella and her dad (my brother-in-law Kyle) made the cutest sign and Bella greeted me at the airport with it.  Well, kind of...she held the sign up for about two seconds when she saw me and then threw it on the ground and ran to where I was. Cutest. Thing. Ever.

I had a few interesting conversations with Bella while I was home, the first of which was in the car when she was telling me about her Elf on the Shelf.  (If you don't know what that is, click here.)  His name is Friendly.

Bella: "Friendly really loves me, even if I do something really naughty."

Me: (sensing the opportunity to turn the conversation toward something spiritual) "Kind of like Jesus, huh?"

Bella:  "Yeah....and Santa."

That'll teach me to try to get deep with a 5-year-old.

Alecia, Kyle, and the kids had to leave on Christmas afternoon to drive to the Dallas area and spend time with his family.  I was pretty bummed about this because it meant I wouldn't get to see them again before I flew back.  When it was time for them to go, I pulled Bella up on my lap and gave her a big hug and kiss.

Me: "I'm really going to miss you!"

Bella: "And I'm really going to miss Maverick"

Maverick is her little friend from church that she sees like every day.  Haha, thanks a lot, kid.

Some other notable moments:

One of my favorite times of the Christmas season is going to the Christmas Eve candlelight service in the church where I grew up.  I have never missed it a single year of my entire life.  Not only is it really amazing to get to worship on such a special night in a church that holds so many memories for me, it's also kind of a homecoming of sorts.  It's when all of my oldest and dearest friends come home from all corners of the world and end up in the same building, even if just for an hour.  It is truly one of my favorite nights of the year.

One of my oldest friends, Erin

Sitting with my folks and our candles

Another really cool tradition that my mom and a bunch of her friends started when we were kids is annual mother-daughter tea.  I think I was six the first year we had it, which means this is like the 23rd or 24th year we've done it.  It started with 11 moms and their daughters getting together every year for a tea. We'd all get dressed up and make a bunch of cookies and whatnot, meet at someone's house, sing some Christmas carols, read some stories, and things like that.  Over time, it's become a pretty cherished tradition for all of us.  It's expanded to include daughter-in-laws and a third generation of girls.  Also, one of my favorite days of the year.  It's a lot harder to get everyone together for it these days, as we are all spread across the country, but we can usually get a good number of us together.  This year we did it at my sister Kristi's house.  Here are a few of the highlights:

Yes, my eyes are closed in this picture, but I had to share this picture of my beautiful friend Rachel.  You can't tell it from this picture, but she just so happens to be pregnant with TWINS!  Two new girls to come to the tea next year. :-)

Another friend named Rachel.  Our parents live across the street from each other (although they didn't get this bright idea until we were adults, haha)

Brynlee (Rachel #1's little girl) and Bella listening to my mom read the story

Me, Brynlee, and Debbie (Rachel #2's mom)

Bella and my mom singing Christmas carols

Alright, a couple more random pictures and I will stop bragging about how awesome my family and friends are. :-)

I know I already shared this on Facebook, but this pretty much describes my hometown perfectly.  That is someone's pet pig in their yard.

Me and my best friend Shahla

Me, Shahla and her husband David, my sister Kristi and her fiance Corbett, getting our grub on at Taste of Texas (best steakhouse EVER)

Sweet girl - Bella and me

Sweet boy - my precious nephew, Cooper, who is more savvy with that thing than me.

Hallie and baby Jude - their mom and dad are my friends Philip and Lacey

One more adorable shot of my nephew

So needless to say, I had a great time in Texas, but was surprisingly ready to come back to my life in New York.  I miss a lot of people back home, but I don't have a single doubt that I am right where I'm supposed to be. :-)  Plus, I am going back to Texas like 3 times in the next 4 months, so I won't have to miss it for long.

Happy New Year, all!

<3 <3 <3
Janell