Xanga

Does anybody remember Xanga?  I realize I am probably dating myself a bit here, but Xanga was "the" site for bloggers before the word blog even existed.  It was really popular towards the end of my college years, and I used to post on mine all the time.  I found an old journal recently from the semester I spent in Tahoe after college, and it made mention of my Xanga site.  It took me a little time to remember my user name and password, but eventually I pulled it from the deep, dark corners of my brain and found it.  My first post was on November 5, 2003, my senior year in college.  I had just been named to the homecoming court at UMHB and my biggest concerns were having to perform in this variety show thing that the court members had to do and who was going to ask me to the semiformal.  Big life problems right there.  That world seems so far away compared to life now.

I discovered a few things about myself after reading through some of my entries.  For one thing, I really thought I had all the answers at the ripe old age of 21.  It's so laughable now to see how ridiculous I was.  It was also very evident how naive I was to a lot of things.  My posts were kind of preachy and reeked of piety and "fake shiny Christianity."  And I guess I was kind of that girl, as much as I hate to admit it.  I was very concerned with what other people thought of me and at the time, the people I was trying to impress were a whole bunch of southern Christians (not that there is anything wrong with that).  God still had (and still has) a lot of work do in me, but even then, I was growing.  There were a few little nuggets of genuineness hidden amongst all of the shallow, self-centered posts .  One post in particular stood out to me because it's almost word for word something I wrote in my journal just a few nights ago.  I wrote this on January 26, 2005, about a month after I returned to TX from Tahoe and about 3 weeks into my job at the children's home:

I have been thinking a lot lately about the body of Christ, and how we are called to encourage each other and bear one another's burdens.  My church back in Highlands is going through the 40 days of Community right now, and the concept is that our personal relationship with the Lord is not enough.  (I know that sounds bad, but hear me out)  If our personal relationship is not spurring us to go out and love and encourage people, believers and non-believers alike, we are not fulfilling the Lord's plan for us.  

We need our brothers and sisters to hold us accountable, to pray for us, to lift us up and bring us joy.  And we need to do that for other members of the body.  The Bible tells us that a "cord of three strands is not easily broken."  We are stronger together.  Sin is less likely to get a stronghold in our life when we have fellow believers holding us accountable.

I am so blessed by people in my life who are the hands and feet of the Lord for me.  People who show me His love in so many ways, if it's just through a phone call to say they are thinking about me, or letting me cry on their shoulder when things are not going so well, or simply asking how they can pray for me.  I hope that I have been His hands and feet to my friends and those I come in contact with every day.  That's what we are called to do.  That's what He wants from us.

That's exactly what's been on my heart lately.  I am feeling so blessed and overwhelmed with the community I have here in New York.  People who encourage me, and love me, and bear my burdens alongside me.  People I get to "do life" with.  Even silly, selfish, arrogant, 22-year-old me knew the importance of that, and 29-year-old me is grateful to have an amazing (albeit almost completely different) community around me.

I think it's good to look back and see how far you've come (or see that you haven't come too far and figure out why).  I love finding old journals, emails, cards, and letters that remind me of different times in my life, good or bad.  I fully intend to spend time reminiscing over years 2003-2006ish over the next few days as I read through the ol' Xanga.  If you are interested in getting to know the 21-24 year old me and you can promise me that you will hold nothing that she said against me, have a look for yourself.  http://whom-shall-i-fear.xanga.com/

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I'm not really sure where all these deep thoughts have been coming from lately, but I do realize that a lot of my recent posts have been a little heavy.  So I want to take a few minutes to give some tidbits from the last couple of months in a little section I like to call...

THINGS I LOVE

I love Brooklyn and the Prospect Heights neighborhood where I live.  I am really anxious for spring because the Brooklyn Botanical Gardens are literally outside my window and I hear the cherry blossoms are absolutely breathtaking.  One of the things I love most about my neighborhood is the people.  There is so much diversity and people are really friendly.  Unlike Manhattan, where I feel like most people are just rushing around with their heads down trying to get where they're going, in Brooklyn, people tend to take the time to stop and chat or at least say hello.  Feels a little more like being back home in the south.  And sometimes you get some weird requests.  Case in point:  Last week, I am walking to the train and I notice this lady on the sidewalk, doing the electric slide and singing her heart out (the song itself was unrecognizable, but that's neither here nor there).  I've seen this lady around and my chats with her are usually the highlight of my day.  When I saw her this particular morning, she waved me over and said, "Hey! Come dance with me!"  So I did.  Nothing like a little electric slide to start your day, I say.  I told her next time I see her I'll teach her a new line dance.  What do you think, guys? Maybe a little Copperhead Road? Did I mention I love Brooklyn?  :-)

I love people coming to visit!  One of my dearest friends from college, Yolanda, was in town last week and we met up for dinner.  I hadn't seen her in probably 6 years, so it was really, really fantastic to catch up.  Here we are after enjoying some tasty Greek food in Hell's Kitchen.

I love having people over to my place.  In the past few months, Sara and/or I have hosted a Tex-Mex Fiesta, a One Medical ladies' game night, book club, a 7+ hour potluck dinner party where we literally were cooking and eating food the entire 7 hours, and countless other brunches/dinners.  One of my favorite things about our apartment is that we have the kitchen/living space to open up our home and host these types of things (that was not the case at our old apartment).  Few things make me happier than having our friends hanging out around the table (or the couch, or the floor...).

I love musical theater, I really do.  I went through a period last year where I was going to like 3-4 shows a month.  And even though I am kind of the queen of rush/lottery tickets, it was still a little hard on my wallet, so sadly, I haven't been to a show since like November.  Which is completely unacceptable. But a few days ago, I was walking through the theater district on my way to meet a friend after work, and I found myself on 46th St., right between two shows that I am dying to see - the revival of Porgy and Bess (which I have never seen live, but is one of my FAVORITE scores of all time), and Ghost the musical (alright, I'll let you make fun of me a little for this one, but I don't take it back).  Not to mention one of the best movies of all time, a little gem called Newsies, is currently rocking out on Broadway as well.  I am considering a hunger strike so I can save enough money to see all three of these shows soon.  I'll let you know how it goes.

And finally, I love spring!  Today was the most beautiful day we've had in NYC in a long time.  It was in the 60s and sunny and just all-around perfect.  This is what it was like when I moved here last year (yes, my one-year anniversary is actually just a week from today!) and though I love being here most every day, I love it that much more when it's this beautiful outside.

Well, though there are plenty of other things I love, I am heading out to watch my lovely and talented friend Claire's play tonight, so I must jet.  More to come.