New York, It's Been Real

So today marks one year since I moved here, my New York-iversary, if you will.  Some days it's hard to believe I've been here that long, and others it feels like I've been here a lifetime, but every day continues to feel like I'm right where I belong.  People ask me all the time, "What made you decide to move?," and I never feel like I have an adequate answer for them.  Nothing was lacking in my life back in Texas - I had an great job where I was getting to share the love of Christ with some of the most incredible kids and teenagers I've ever met.  I had amazing friends and family all around me, and I was really happy.  I wasn't trying to get away from anything or looking to fill any voids by coming here.  I don't even know what prompted the decision, other than I just knew and felt so clearly that this was the next step in my journey.

It would be pretty hard to put into the words the things I have learned in the past year, but since it's hard (some might say impossible) to write a blog without words, I'll do my best:

I've learned the importance of the relationships in my life.  Every relationship I have has been tested this year.  Some haven't survived.  Some have taken on a new look.  I've made wonderful new relationships in the process.  I'm so grateful for all of it.  My family has been so supportive of my move, which makes me love them even more (if that is possible).  They and my friends have called, written, "social-networked", and continued to show me that I am important to them.  I hope I've made them feel the same way, despite my strong aversion to the phone (sorry, Mom!).  And every time I think that I couldn't possibly be blessed with any more amazing people in my life, more continue to show up.  I honestly do not know why God has chosen to give me such an abundance of ridiculously great people in my life, but I'll take it. My cup runneth over.

I've learned that pursuing your passions doesn't always mean pursuing them as your career.  I always thought that because I was passionate about helping the poor and marginalized and working with kids and teenagers, that I had to be a social worker.  It seemed like a logical plan, and I will never question that my years at the children's home were exactly what the Lord had for me at that time.  But what I didn't realize I guess, was that not being a social worker didn't mean I had to stop pursuing those things.  Right now, I am working for a fantastic company (a primary care medical practice) and my day to day is not really emotionally draining in the slightest.  I'm managing staff and making sure our offices run smoothly, and while I work super hard throughout the day, it's not work I "take home" with me.  I love it, and I actually felt a little guilty for loving it so much.  I thought that meant that I was somehow betraying my "social work calling."  But then I began to find some volunteer opportunities in the community, through my church and through other connections I've made, and it all started to make sense to me.  Maybe I'll work as a social worker again, maybe I won't, but it doesn't change my passion or my calling.

I've learned that I am much stronger than I thought.  So many well-intentioned people warned me that living here might not be all it's cracked up to be.  This city can be a tough place to live, and I am just a simple girl from the south.  But it has actually been the smoothest and least painful transition I've ever had, and while I agree that it's not for everyone, NYC definitely suits me.

I've learned that I am much weaker than I thought, and that ultimately, any strength I have is from the Lord.  This would seem like something I should already know, since it is pretty much Christianity 101.  There are so many cliches about how "His strength is made perfect in our weakness", and "when we we are weak, He is strong" and about a million other versions of that same phrase.  But it's all a bunch of talk until you really take a look at yourself and your pride and your depravity and put that into perspective with who He is.  Trying to do things in my own strength is a complete and utter failure.  I continue to screw up over and over and over again because of my selfishness.  There is nothing good in me but Him.  I am learning to be not only okay with, but really thankful for my weaknesses.  It lets Him shine through that much more.

In celebration of this milestone, here is a brief photo journey through some of my favorite moments from this past year.  Here goes:

Hanging out at the promenade in Brooklyn Heights with Sara my first night here

Discovering Sarita's Mac & Cheese (S'Mac), which has now become mine and Angie's go-to place in the East Village.

Getting dressed up and celebrating my new job (before I had actually been offered the job) at Primehouse with Sara, Andrew, and Leticia.  Good thing I got the job because we spent a whole lot of money on this delicious food.

Watching the Yankees get beat by the Rangers while enjoying this delicious hot dog.

Watching the Mets get beat by my Astros while freezing in the rain (still worth it).

Meeting my current boyfriend in the East Village (or something like that).  Sorry for cropping you out of the picture, Sara, Andrew, and Leti!

NKOTBSB in Long Island (don't judge me)

Showing these New Yorkers how to ride out a hurricane and trying to move apartments in the process.  Too bad it turned out to be a total dud.

My sister, Shahla, and Candace coming to visit!  And my first trip to Coney Island.

The real life version of the Macy's Parade

Taking our little Christmas tree home on the subway

Having a little Crusader reunion when the Skaggs decided to crash last Sunday's church service. So wonderful to see them!!

Another question I get asked a bunch is, "How long do you think you'll be in New York?"  Alas, I cannot answer that question either.  Maybe another year or two, maybe a lifetime.  Right now, I couldn't imagine being anywhere else (sorry again, Mom!).

Should You Always Have A Paul?

If you have some time today, check out this really great and thought-provoking post from one of my pastors at Apostles. 

Discipleship Myth: You should always have a Paul

Xanga

Does anybody remember Xanga?  I realize I am probably dating myself a bit here, but Xanga was "the" site for bloggers before the word blog even existed.  It was really popular towards the end of my college years, and I used to post on mine all the time.  I found an old journal recently from the semester I spent in Tahoe after college, and it made mention of my Xanga site.  It took me a little time to remember my user name and password, but eventually I pulled it from the deep, dark corners of my brain and found it.  My first post was on November 5, 2003, my senior year in college.  I had just been named to the homecoming court at UMHB and my biggest concerns were having to perform in this variety show thing that the court members had to do and who was going to ask me to the semiformal.  Big life problems right there.  That world seems so far away compared to life now.

I discovered a few things about myself after reading through some of my entries.  For one thing, I really thought I had all the answers at the ripe old age of 21.  It's so laughable now to see how ridiculous I was.  It was also very evident how naive I was to a lot of things.  My posts were kind of preachy and reeked of piety and "fake shiny Christianity."  And I guess I was kind of that girl, as much as I hate to admit it.  I was very concerned with what other people thought of me and at the time, the people I was trying to impress were a whole bunch of southern Christians (not that there is anything wrong with that).  God still had (and still has) a lot of work do in me, but even then, I was growing.  There were a few little nuggets of genuineness hidden amongst all of the shallow, self-centered posts .  One post in particular stood out to me because it's almost word for word something I wrote in my journal just a few nights ago.  I wrote this on January 26, 2005, about a month after I returned to TX from Tahoe and about 3 weeks into my job at the children's home:

I have been thinking a lot lately about the body of Christ, and how we are called to encourage each other and bear one another's burdens.  My church back in Highlands is going through the 40 days of Community right now, and the concept is that our personal relationship with the Lord is not enough.  (I know that sounds bad, but hear me out)  If our personal relationship is not spurring us to go out and love and encourage people, believers and non-believers alike, we are not fulfilling the Lord's plan for us.  

We need our brothers and sisters to hold us accountable, to pray for us, to lift us up and bring us joy.  And we need to do that for other members of the body.  The Bible tells us that a "cord of three strands is not easily broken."  We are stronger together.  Sin is less likely to get a stronghold in our life when we have fellow believers holding us accountable.

I am so blessed by people in my life who are the hands and feet of the Lord for me.  People who show me His love in so many ways, if it's just through a phone call to say they are thinking about me, or letting me cry on their shoulder when things are not going so well, or simply asking how they can pray for me.  I hope that I have been His hands and feet to my friends and those I come in contact with every day.  That's what we are called to do.  That's what He wants from us.

That's exactly what's been on my heart lately.  I am feeling so blessed and overwhelmed with the community I have here in New York.  People who encourage me, and love me, and bear my burdens alongside me.  People I get to "do life" with.  Even silly, selfish, arrogant, 22-year-old me knew the importance of that, and 29-year-old me is grateful to have an amazing (albeit almost completely different) community around me.

I think it's good to look back and see how far you've come (or see that you haven't come too far and figure out why).  I love finding old journals, emails, cards, and letters that remind me of different times in my life, good or bad.  I fully intend to spend time reminiscing over years 2003-2006ish over the next few days as I read through the ol' Xanga.  If you are interested in getting to know the 21-24 year old me and you can promise me that you will hold nothing that she said against me, have a look for yourself.  http://whom-shall-i-fear.xanga.com/

 ----

I'm not really sure where all these deep thoughts have been coming from lately, but I do realize that a lot of my recent posts have been a little heavy.  So I want to take a few minutes to give some tidbits from the last couple of months in a little section I like to call...

THINGS I LOVE

I love Brooklyn and the Prospect Heights neighborhood where I live.  I am really anxious for spring because the Brooklyn Botanical Gardens are literally outside my window and I hear the cherry blossoms are absolutely breathtaking.  One of the things I love most about my neighborhood is the people.  There is so much diversity and people are really friendly.  Unlike Manhattan, where I feel like most people are just rushing around with their heads down trying to get where they're going, in Brooklyn, people tend to take the time to stop and chat or at least say hello.  Feels a little more like being back home in the south.  And sometimes you get some weird requests.  Case in point:  Last week, I am walking to the train and I notice this lady on the sidewalk, doing the electric slide and singing her heart out (the song itself was unrecognizable, but that's neither here nor there).  I've seen this lady around and my chats with her are usually the highlight of my day.  When I saw her this particular morning, she waved me over and said, "Hey! Come dance with me!"  So I did.  Nothing like a little electric slide to start your day, I say.  I told her next time I see her I'll teach her a new line dance.  What do you think, guys? Maybe a little Copperhead Road? Did I mention I love Brooklyn?  :-)

I love people coming to visit!  One of my dearest friends from college, Yolanda, was in town last week and we met up for dinner.  I hadn't seen her in probably 6 years, so it was really, really fantastic to catch up.  Here we are after enjoying some tasty Greek food in Hell's Kitchen.

I love having people over to my place.  In the past few months, Sara and/or I have hosted a Tex-Mex Fiesta, a One Medical ladies' game night, book club, a 7+ hour potluck dinner party where we literally were cooking and eating food the entire 7 hours, and countless other brunches/dinners.  One of my favorite things about our apartment is that we have the kitchen/living space to open up our home and host these types of things (that was not the case at our old apartment).  Few things make me happier than having our friends hanging out around the table (or the couch, or the floor...).

I love musical theater, I really do.  I went through a period last year where I was going to like 3-4 shows a month.  And even though I am kind of the queen of rush/lottery tickets, it was still a little hard on my wallet, so sadly, I haven't been to a show since like November.  Which is completely unacceptable. But a few days ago, I was walking through the theater district on my way to meet a friend after work, and I found myself on 46th St., right between two shows that I am dying to see - the revival of Porgy and Bess (which I have never seen live, but is one of my FAVORITE scores of all time), and Ghost the musical (alright, I'll let you make fun of me a little for this one, but I don't take it back).  Not to mention one of the best movies of all time, a little gem called Newsies, is currently rocking out on Broadway as well.  I am considering a hunger strike so I can save enough money to see all three of these shows soon.  I'll let you know how it goes.

And finally, I love spring!  Today was the most beautiful day we've had in NYC in a long time.  It was in the 60s and sunny and just all-around perfect.  This is what it was like when I moved here last year (yes, my one-year anniversary is actually just a week from today!) and though I love being here most every day, I love it that much more when it's this beautiful outside.

Well, though there are plenty of other things I love, I am heading out to watch my lovely and talented friend Claire's play tonight, so I must jet.  More to come.